whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
and you fell through a lawn chair
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
