I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
