I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
