you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
