she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
