I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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