I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
