thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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whose ass print is on the piano?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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