Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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