I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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