....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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