I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
