I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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