im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Are my feet made of real feet?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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