Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
honey bunches of taint.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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