at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he laminated a picture of his dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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