When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
