I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
