I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
