The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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