you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize