i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
