my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
They have beer where we have blood.
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