so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
