My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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