I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
