Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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