I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
