Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize