yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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