oh god the rape fog is back!
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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