If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
