HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
