Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
