I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
