Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize