so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize