Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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