i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize