hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
