I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
