come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
