thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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