shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize