you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
