You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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