A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
