My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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