Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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