he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
