ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
