I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
