My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
