come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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