Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
