I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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