I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
