Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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