his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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