this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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