if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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