I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
