before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
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Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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