Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
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I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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